Before 2021, Li Xiaomeng returned to Xinjiang early.
She comes from Kuitun, Yili, a small town with a population of 160,000. There is not much rain there, especially in winter. When chatting, Li Xiaomeng’s throat was dry, and he coughed lightly occasionally, but his tone remained flat all the time.
In mid-December, 2020, Li Xiaomeng needed a minor operation, and she decided to go back to the small town to recuperate. Her hometown, which she didn’t want to go back to, is now a place of peace of mind when she is vulnerable.
The elders in my hometown probably know that Li Xiaomeng, who graduated from Southwest University of Political Science and Law, could have become a beauty of law, but now he is playing games in Shanghai.
In Weibo’s comments, fans can always see the record of Li Xiaomeng, a passerby who doesn’t understand: "She is the first female champion in the world and the first champion in China."
This girl from a small town in Xinjiang has another well-known code name-liooon (lion sauce). In the circle of the card game Hearthstone, everyone called her "lion sauce".
Li Xiaomeng at work. Except for special marks, the pictures in this article are all from Weibo, Li Xiaomeng.
According to the Survey Report on Talent Salary of Game Industry in China in 2019, the proportion of male employees is 70.9%. On November 3, 2019, at the "Hearthstone Legend Masters Global Finals", the second that e-sports player Li Xiaomeng won the championship trophy surrounded by a group of male players became a historic 100%.
With the halo fading, opposition and preference are not really equal —— Behind the brilliant e-sports road of the "female champion" is the story of self-acceptance of Li Xiaomeng, a girl from a small town, amid doubts.
The following is her self-report.
On November 3, 2019, Li Xiaomeng won the championship in the Global Finals of Hearthstone Masters. Image source: Blizzard official website
"Even if I didn’t play games, I should find an opportunity to resist."
Our home is in Kuitun, Yili, a very small city.
In fact, in Xinjiang, most parents will tell their children that you should study hard, get into a good university and live in a developed city in the future. Therefore, at that time, everyone’s idea was not to stay there, and it seemed that people who were better and more capable would not come back.
Li Xiaomeng and his father as a child.
But my dad is different from other parents, and he just wants me to go back and inherit his job.
He told me about his arrangements for me. Let me graduate, pass the judicial exam, and then come back. He will buy me a car and work in his law firm. He’s in charge of everything anyway.
When I told my dad I didn’t want to come back, he said something to refute me, which seemed unreasonable to me. I still remember that he said, "Look at Beijing, Shanghai and new york. There are also many beggars in those places." He may want to express that big cities are not all good.
But my dad stayed in a small town all his life except for going to college in Xi ‘an, so every time he said how bad the big city was, in fact, I couldn’t be convinced.
Li Xiaomeng in the third grade.
I did well in the college entrance examination, but I chose my major at that time. In the end, we were still deadlocked. My father insisted that I choose law, but I want to study advertising myself. I have always liked advertisements. I can’t bear to change channels when I see good advertisements on TV.
My dad finally said, you can study what you want, but I won’t pay for your college education.
I’m just choosing my major carefully, not quitting college. How does he know that I will have no future if I choose another major? It’s boring, in this threatening way.
Originally, my parents had agreed to let my father pay for my college education. Before the college entrance examination, my mother got sick and had a brain tumor. Now my father says that he won’t pay for it. My mother analyzed it with me and said that she can also pay for my college education. However, after getting sick, the pressure on this matter became greater. So I finally chose the law major.
The financial pressure is really great sometimes, but I don’t think my father is right because of lack of money. Money is not the most important thing for me, although I am also a Taurus who loves money very much.
My dad is a very realistic person. He didn’t accept my choice to do what he likes at first, but now after seeing my achievements, he will feel that the present stage is not bad.
At the beginning of 2018, I decided to play professionally, and the competition coincided with the judicial examination. It’s impossible for me to prepare for the exam when I’m preparing for the game, so I called my dad and told him that I wouldn’t take the exam, but I didn’t dare to tell him that I was going to be a player, only that I found a game company to work.
My dad was so angry that he said he would take the judicial exam anyway, and told me to stop talking nonsense. I blacked him out because he kept bombing me on the phone.
At the end of 2019, the day after the finals ended, I flew back from the United States. As soon as I came back, my mother told me that my dad sent me messages everywhere and showed off that I won the championship in the work group.
But I don’t think he really approved of me.
I pulled him out of the blacklist long ago, but he didn’t call me a single time.
When my dad talks to others about my winning the championship, he will deliberately avoid the fact that he was opposed to my playing games before. Otherwise, he will lose money and can’t naturally show off to others, saying that this is my daughter, and she won a world champion in e-sports-to tell the truth, he is not qualified to be proud.
Before I played games, I almost never disobeyed my father.
But even if I didn’t play games, I should find an opportunity to resist.
"It’s not that I can accept these things in my heart, I just figured it out."
When I first started to participate in the competition, I felt that e-sports was based on strength. I thought that if I became more powerful one day and scored in the competition, I would be affirmed and paid attention by many people, even a little more attention than boys. At that time, I would have this naive idea.
It turned out that this was not the case. There are also a few people with poor quality, and they can feel the prejudice and malice of a large part of people towards girls.
For example, some people will be particularly unhappy if they lose to girls. When I first started playing professionally, I would take part in a small city Internet cafe competition. I was a college student in Chongqing at that time, and there was basically a game every week. When an opponent sees a girl coming, he will secretly rejoice and show it directly on his face, which is obvious. Their friends will also say to him, "Your hand is steady."
In fact, real professional players respect each other very much, and even give more preferential treatment to girls. If you win, your opponent will sincerely recognize you, and if you lose, you won’t laugh at your food. They all say it doesn’t matter and comfort you. However, professional players are, after all, the top part. To put it bluntly, people with poor level will be sexist.
When I won the finals-China only had two places a year, I won the first season championship in China, so I got one. At that time, there were many people who questioned me. Some people think that I won by luck, while others think that I am a girl, so I must not play well. When the previous champion was a boy, he was never questioned so much.
Including after I won the championship, many people said that I was lucky and Germany was not worthy. Some people have been touting the female champion, thinking that if I win the world championship, I will be amazing. In fact, I am just like other players.
Also, before I went to the game, it was broadcast live and I needed to show my face on stage. As soon as I appeared, the barrage was all about grading, appearance, figure and so on, and all kinds of comments were made.
In fact, all the girls are on the live broadcast, which is the case.
If you don’t look thin, you are a normal figure, and then you look fatter on camera, it’s called "micro-tan" If you were a little fatter, the barrage would always brush "fff". "F" means "Press F to enter the tank" in the game.
After graduation, I gained weight because I played this game. Because I have been playing games seriously, I don’t have much activity every day and I don’t eat very healthily. I also got grades, not white and fat.
After I became famous and more people knew me, more and more people called me fat, and my own fans told me to lose weight quickly. I can’t explain to others where I got my meat one by one. I can only pretend not to see it. These words are still quite hurtful-obviously they are all playing professional games, as if it is useless for me to play no matter how well I don’t lose weight.
The most unacceptable thing in my heart should be male players. Even in the male commentary, there are many fat people, much fatter than me, but no one talks about them or brushes tanks for them.
At first, I was not happy, and found that this circle was not as beautiful as I thought.
Later, I figured it out. Let them say whether they are fat or not. Otherwise, I have been entangled in this matter, which affects my training, and the game is easy to play badly. I always feel that people are staring at me.
It’s not that I can accept these things in my heart, I just figured it out.
"People who really love me will definitely consider my feelings."
Hearthstone is a game that I came into contact with quite early. I played it just after my sophomore year. It was introduced to me by the first boyfriend I talked to after I went to college. He was playing, so I got the next one.
At first we were all ordinary players. Later, the game attracted me more and more, and I slowly became more involved. He often said something to hit me and asked me why I spent so much time on the game. Anyway, girls couldn’t play well.
He never considers my feelings, and he likes to comment on girls, thinking that I am fat and have thick legs. I obviously can’t stand him, but some of what he said at that time would make me think there was something wrong with me.
I always told myself that it was troublesome to break up, and I would meet someone again in the future, and everything I experienced would have to be done again.
We have been together for more than two years, and we broke up three times, all of which I mentioned. Usually, when he goes to play games or goes out with friends, he doesn’t always surround me and doesn’t care much about me. But as soon as I broke up with him, he kept me crazy. There will be phone bombing. When I hang up his phone, he will call me on my roommate’s cell phone.
I still remember when we broke up for the first time, he told me that he had regarded me as family, so sometimes he didn’t pay so much attention to some details. I can’t believe I believed it then.
He was fine for the first two weeks after getting back together, and then he slowly returned to his previous appearance. I feel a little stuck.
Later, I made up my mind to completely separate from him because he didn’t care much about this kind of thing before, and I still thought it could be changed, but the differences in three views could not be made up. The longer we spend together, the more we talk about things in the future, the more we feel very different from him. Even I found out later that he is quite similar to my father in some places.
At that time, I thought that love was like this, until I met Brother Feng, my coach and my current boyfriend, and found that love can be a very happy thing.
His real name is Fan Yilun, and his circle name is "Follow the Wind". Now he is a signing player of the Hearthstone Branch of iG Club. We didn’t have any achievements when we met, but he is quite famous in the player circle, because he is very enthusiastic and likes to help others analyze the deck. The Jianghu people call him "Wind Coach". I went to him and wanted him to help me guide me. Later, I had feelings and naturally got together.
Li Xiaomeng and her boyfriend Fan Yilun. Both of them were eliminated from the tour in 2020, and the lion sauce quipped: "What a coincidence, are you cold?"
He is really a serious person. I will feel respected when I stay with him. Because some people will treat me slightly differently, and because I am a girl, I will lower my standards when teaching me to play games. But he won’t. He just regards me as an ordinary player who wants to improve his level. This is what I want.
I get nervous easily. Hearthstone, a card game, will be random. I’m always worried about drawing an unfavorable card. Later, Brother Feng told me that I just had to do what I had to do. If I lost because of drawing cards, he would write an analysis post on the forum to help me explain that I didn’t lose because of my poor level.
I seldom laugh and cry, but when I face my boyfriend, I will show my fragile side. He is not very good at comforting people, but he will listen to me quietly and stay with me. There are some things he hasn’t experienced, so it’s impossible to feel the same way. I just need him to listen.
If these experiences have taught me anything, it is that people who really love me will definitely consider my feelings.
Whether I am a champion or not, he believes me unconditionally, which is enough.
